Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 6 Recap

Finally getting one up on time! (It’s not gonna last. Trust me.)

[Obligatory spoiler warning!]

We open up with Sam Tarly trying to keep Gilly and the baby warm. But he’s crap at building a fire. I have to admit, I’m kind of rooting for them to start snogging over this fire. I like how weird and dorky Sam is around Gilly. And I like how she sees him. Remember how she says “you’re very brave” to Sam that time he “saved” her from Jon’s direwolf? This was probably the first pretty girl Sam ever talked to who didn't immediately make him feel like crap. 

Next we see Osha and Meera bickering while aggressively ripping the skins off rabbits. Bran tells them to quit acting like it’s Season 10 of Bad Girls Club and someone stole their hot pocket. Jojen has a vision of Jon Snow, and…

…We’re north of the Wall. While they’re getting ready to climb the icy-cliff-of-death, Ygritte reveals that she knows Jon Snow’s loyalties are divided and serves up some realness about just what’ll happen to his most delicate bits if he betrays her. I love how she says the word “tongue.”

Next we’re checking in with Arya. Melisandre shows up and talks shop with Thoros before dragging poor Gendry off to no good purpose and thoroughly creeping Arya out. I think a drunk guy gave me that exact line one night in a bar in New York, face-grab and everything. The crazy ones come out with the full moon.

Meanwhile, Theon is not having a good life. There are those of you who may feel he deserves what he’s getting right now for what he did to those poor farmer’s kids. I don’t disagree with you, but that’s not what this is about. In the Game of Thrones universe, people don’t get their just desserts. Theon learns nothing from his torturer except that he’s being held prisoner by an utter psychopath and there is apparently no political or retributory reason behind his suffering. Big surprise.

Next Robb Stark is negotiating with some of the older Frey sons; Walter Frey is the lord of a strategically-placed castle who was willing to side with Robb if Robb agreed to marry one of his nine million daughters. It turns out Walter was seriously pissed when Robb went rogue and married for love. Among other concessions, the Frey boys demand that Edmure marry the daughter instead. Edmure, predictably, gets his panties in a knot about it. I could just see it in Robb’s face when Edmure goes off—“Dude, this is not about you.”

Finally we’re back with Jaime and Brienne—another pair I would love to see get together. It’s good to see Jaime is getting his spirits back—but it’s revealed that while Jaime’s position at Roose Bolton's may be a bit better there than he thought, Brienne’s is decidedly more precarious.

Next, Lady Olenna and Lord Tywin finally mix it up! I’ve been looking forward to this for the last few episodes. And they do not disappoint! “Old,” Lady Olenna sneers when Tywin offers Cersei for Loras. Tywin shoots back with a reference to Loras’ preference for boys. “A sword-swallower through and through,” Lady Olenna cheerfully admits before countering with a reference to the Lannister-on-Lannister activities Cersei is rumored to engage in.  I just about DIED at the look on Tywin’s face when Olenna asked discreetly if he never had a go at a boy in his youth. Bet no one’s ever had the nuts to ask him something like that before In.His.Life.

Speaking of Loras! How hilarious was the scene where he tells Sansa he’s dreamed of a big wedding since he was quite young? “The guests, the food, the tournaments…” he says, before waxing descriptive about the beautiful gown his bride would wear. Clearly Sansa was born without functioning gaydar.

And then the scene where Tyrion comes to tell Sansa the two of them will be getting married. In front of Shae. “This is awkward,” Tyrion says. ‘Nuff said.

Littlefinger has an absolutely badass monologue that turns out to be the seed of the whole episode—possibly the whole series. “Chaos is a ladder,” he sneers at Varys. And in this scene I started to see Varys and Littlefinger as totally diametrically opposed forces within the realm—both using the same tools of manipulation and spycraft for very different ends. Varys to shore up the realm—no matter who gets in his way—and Littlefinger to create the chaos that lets him further his own ends. Freaking brilliant.

I also am starting to understand that Varys has a deeply principled side to him. He also admired Ned Stark, another deeply principled man who would have shared many of Varys’ goals. The difference is that Varys was ruthless and / or morally flexible enough to thrive in this world, and Ned wasn’t.

We end with Jon Snow and Ygritte making it to the top after a harrowing climb up the Wall—and making out at the top.