What I’m Reading: Be Here Now. What I’m Drinking: Wheatgrass Juice

So I don’t talk about this a lot—either on the blog or anywhere else. But I am a great big ball of anxiety.

Seriously. I get anxious that they might not have kitfo at the Ethiopian restaurant. I get anxious that I’m failing at all my life goals. I get anxious that I might actually die a crazy old cat lady like I keep threatening to do. I can’t read about global warming in the news anymore because a single dire statistic about the ice caps will keep me up for three nights straight.

For most of my life, I accepted this as my fate. But when I turned 30, I decided that anxiety would be a thing of my 20’s. That and low-rise jeans and pizza fries (I really miss pizza fries). So for the past few years, I’ve been actually trying to do something about my anxiety.

I’ve found exercise helps a lot. Especially yoga, but also spin, running, weightlifting—anything difficult enough to take me out of my head and into my body. Listening to happy music on the subway instead of my usual angsty soundtrack is surprisingly effective, too. So was my therapist, until he broke up with me. Long story.

I’ve also been reading a certain amount of self-help (ashamed as I am to admit it). Most of it is centered around managing anxiety and being in the moment. So with that in mind, I picked up Remember: Be Here Now by Ram Dass. I’d heard a lot about this book. I knew people for whom reading it was its own spiritual awakening. I wanted to see if I could experience that.

Maybe I’m not spiritually developed enough, though. Because I just…didn’t get it. The first section was a fairly interesting story of the author’s own spiritual journey. Then there was about a hundred pages of what looked like notebook doodling of pithy sayings and symbols. I wanted things that were more specific. I wanted instruction.

 But the instruction I got didn’t really feel like it fit me. There were a few things about meditation—but there was also a lot about things like renunciation (which I don’t really believe in) or finding a guru (which isn’t exactly what I’m looking for). I think the problem, for me, is that it’s a bit too spiritual and not practical enough.

I need suggestions that are based in reason. Maybe I’m more of a self-help person than a spiritual person after all—unless you’re allowed to count poetry as worship. Then I could totally call myself religious.

As for what I’m drinking: wheatgrass juice. It’s not exactly tasty, but it’s good for you. Somehow. At least, that’s what people keep telling me. And I’m going to go with that.